Monday, June 13, 2011

"all around the world, rocking art as my clothes b--"

I follow model Doutzen Kroes on the Twitter because really, she's like a personal Rosetta Stone. Those closest to me know that though I can only presently claim English fluency, I enjoy pretending I could challenge Europe's erudite to an impromptu rap battle. And win.

"Throw some Latin sur cette putain, parce que je suis die Scheiße."

That's the kind of fatuous bombast I intend to start the first verse. Killin' 'em here. Killin' 'em there.

Lessons!: "How to convince yourself you're convincing someone else that you're language skills are convincing."
  1. Were you a music geek who found herself in mass-chorus? Of course you weren't! But if you were, then you recall the ferocious diatribes directors unleashed when pronunciation went awry during non-English musical numbers. You have learned to appreciate that exigence and you now sing Latin, German, French, Italian, Gaelic, Hebrew, and Spanish fluently. Singing. Speaking. Same difference.
  2. Were you a loser who bought the soundtrack and DVD to Dirty Dancing : Havana Nights because that film was epic? There was dancing! There was Coobuh! There was retro! There was Claudette Ortiz, Mya, and Christina Aguilera crooning "el beso del final!" There was globalization! There was la revolución! And if you're wondering how an earnest screenplay about the Cuban Revolution became a dégagé dance flick, check this out. Screenwriter Peter Sagal viewed the final cut and said "...what type of effery?" Hollywood replied : "You've been got sucka!" 
  3. Do you think you're French and believe you can sing Voir Sur Ton Chemin from Les Choristes better than that Southern Diva Beyonce? "Sens au coeur de la nuit...!"
  4. If you answered yes to NONE of these then you're normal. And that's cool. But if there's even an inkling of Gaga in you then you feel me? amirigh? So to convince yourself you're convincing someone else that you're language skills are convincing recite the lyrics to one of the songs in your library of worldly chansons, but recite non-melodiously. Just say some words. Gosh. 
  5. Only do this under the influence. 
Kroes doesn't go hard on a freestyle, but she'll confound all of her non-Dutch followers for kicks and giggles. Tweeting canty American expressions "Omg!" and following up with "Ik begrijp jouw tweets gewoon niet altijd" [Translation: "Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah"] in one fluid electronic breath leads one to ponder ...what. type. of. effery?

I love it and I hate it. I love it. And I hate it.

Well for once Kroes tweeted in English when she announced "Getting ready for the #CFDAawards ;)" and I am glad for it. Mostly because I had a migraine last Monday and was in no mood to be cultured by a fashion model or express blithe commentary, but also because if she had not tweeted it I would have forgotten that the Council of Fashion Designers of America, currently chaired by President Diane von Furstenberg and Executive Director Steven Kolb hosted its Annual Award show in New York City on June 6, 2011.

Held at Alice Tully Hall in Lincoln Center to celebrate the best of American fashion, the prizes awarded included Womenswear Designer of the Year, Menswear Designer of the Year, Accessory Designer of the Year and more. Jack McCollough and Lazaro Hernandez of Proenza Schouler won the big award of the night for best design in womenswear. Hipster savior Alexander Wang, who was nominated in 3 categories, took home the award for best accessory design. Generously underwritten by Swarovski for the tenth consecutive year, the luxury jeweler presented awards for emerging talent to Prabal Gurung for womenswear and Eddie Borgo for accessories. Phoebe Philo flew in to accept the International Award. Marc Jacobs was presented with the Geoffrey Beene Lifetime Achievement Award by longtime friend/director Sofia Coppola. To peruse the latest collections of the noted designers, Style's website provides excellent footage and insights. Additionally, continuing to push boundaries in Theirry Mugler, the iconoclastic Lady Gaga received the Fashion Icon Award (Bazaar).

The en vogue of the fashion and entertainment worlds, as well as the Who's Who of the stylistically inclined were all in attendance. Bazaar breaks down who wore who and what, but I have some personal favorites to approbate.

Who? Jessica Alba in Diane von Furstenberg.
Why? Color Blocking. Whimsical. DvF is my Aunt.

Who? Miranda Kerr in Michael Kors.
Why? Pointed. Sophisticated. Sexy. She just had an elf child with Orlando Bloom

Why? Red Hot. Sizzling. Sleek. She teaches me Dutch via the internets.

Doutzen Kroes - 2011 CFDA Fashion Awards - Arrivals

Also on the world wide web, The 15th Annual Webby Awards hosted by Lisa Kudrow will broadcast live tonight at 8:00 PM on Facebook and YouTube. One of my most coveted Internet escapes, a pioneering web platform showcasing the latest in luxury culture and the art of living, will be presented with the "Best Fashion Website" Webby.

One day encomium will be bestowed upon yours truly. 

A Webby? A Scholarly Fellowship? A Nobel Prize?

Or maybe a Source Award for Best New Female Rapper?

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