Tuesday, August 23, 2011

right coast.

"Oooh girl the earth just shook."
spoken emphatically by the spirited homeless woman who has claimed the alleyway between our building hers as I returned from a yummy lunch break.

I wobble when I walk.
Friends claim it's a cool interpretation of the Captain Jack Sparrow sway.
My own Naomi stride.
It's not a medical condition.
My equilibrium is up to par, but...
It's a thing, so while I briefly felt rumblings beneath me, I assumed it was the subway line and my immanent blithe.

Not a 5.8 scale EARTHQUAKE

As I reached to enter the office building, a crowd of excitable and unsettled employees rushed out. I followed the crowd impetuously. In the midst of our mass evacuation onto the street I began to grasp fully what had just passed.

Spectators gushed that a main gas line pressurized and exploded, others feared the worst whilst conjuring memories of 9/11, and finally a guy from Portland, Oregon and another from Orange County, California enlightened us poor ingenuous Philadelphians that many of us had just experienced our first earthquake. Well damn.

Shallow at only 3.7 miles beneath the earth's surface, this earthquake epicentered in Virginia, was felt as south as the Carolinas and as north as Canada due to the older composition of eastern soil.

No one died. Nothing collapsed. Perhaps an already dilapidated abandoned rowhouse in North Philly realized a few more crumbles. All is well.

Well except on East Coast broadcast media and TWITTER and this.
They freaked.

The Left Coast judged us.

I have not stopped laughing since 1:51 PM, which leads one to consider that if the Armageddon arrives in our lifetime I shall die of the giggles. People are in hilarious rare form during times of crisis. Especially silly innocuous ones. It's cray. Real cray.

On the topic of rumbles, Arlene Ackerman the castigated superintendent of the Philadelphia School District in the crosshairs of a forced resignation is met with even more humiliating disparage. Anonymous donors helped speed her departure from the district, contributing $405,000 to bridge the gap between the $500,000 Mayor Nutter set as a ceiling for public funds and Ackerman's $905,000 exit fee. Well damn.

Standard & Poor's President Deven Sharma's impelled end of the year exit has been handled with considerable grace though his edict singly humbled the United States and its two-year notes/30 year-bonds when he downgraded the rating last month.

No worries.

Unless the United States jumps the economic shark with a turbo ocean liner, an earth tremor nor a stabilizing credit downgrade will deter investors from depositing their capital into US fixed-income securities.

"All will remember the earthquake of summer 2011, when the ground shook the pencil off your desk."

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